The book has been downloaded as promised. I even got it for the low, low price of $4.99. Don’t hate. Sometimes it pays to wait.
I haven’t started reading it yet, but I have a good excuse. I’ve been researching.
After Goggling “Fifty Shades of Grey,” I ran across this article on Yahoo News citing a recent study by some University of Michigan researchers. The subjects were 18 to 24-year-old women, roughly half of whom had read the entire trilogy and half who had either read only the first book, or none at all. The study found the women who read all three books were more likely to be binge-drinkers, have eating disorders, or be involved in unhealthy relationships.
Oh course, I was a little skeptical. I mean, come on. They were 18 to 24-year-old college students, half of which are binge drinkers, have eating disorders, or are involved in unhealthy relationships anyway, regardless of their taste in literature. But it did get a lot of news coverage online, and we all know anything that gets that much coverage on the internet must be accurate. Right?
Unfortunately, since the grad student who typed the survey into the computer was hung-over and fighting with her boyfriend at the time, she forgot to include the questions about past behaviors. Therefore, the researchers couldn’t confirm if the women were that way before they read the books or if the gawd-awful writing somehow damaged them psychologically, causing them to take up self-destructive behaviors.
As we all know, correlation doesn’t necessarily mean causation (except on the internet), so I decided to do a little research of my own to see if there were other common, non-age-related ties among the trilogy’s fans.
Back to Google I went, searching for studies showing these women tended to be children of divorced parents, prescription drug abusers, or maybe dyed their hair before the age of 12.
So I went to the “Fifty Shades” trilogy Facebook page and spent an hour or so checking out some of the fans’ profiles, looking for tell-tale signs such as drunken selfies, misspelled tattoos, mug shots of their baby-daddies, or screen shots from the time they were on the “Jerry Springer Show.”.
No luck there either.
Most of them were just normal people who liked to read mommy-porn while the kids were at soccer practice and post pictures of cute cats.
This confirmed my suspicions that the study was a load of hooey, and the researchers just had to come up with something to justify the fact that they spent all their summer semester grant money on wine and expensive catered lunches while attending that weekend symposium in Chicago on the reading habits of 18 to 24 year-old-women.
Well, that was a bust. I couldn’t manage to find an excuse NOT to read it.
So I decided I should go to Amazon and read the reviews for “Fifty Shades” before actually diving into the book, enabling me to approach this thing with an open mind.
There were plenty of 5-star reviews; but I must say, it was reassuring to see that quite a few other people noticed the bad writing and lack of character development also. I have to admit I was a bit envious of these brave souls who, unlike me, had the fortitude to see the ordeal through to the end so they could write scathing, witty reviews. I wanted to join the fun.
But alas, being one of the approximately 27 women remaining on earth who has not yet read the book, I have been excluded from the scathing and witting.
I did, however, manage to waste some more time gathering a sampling of my favorite reviews so far – good and bad. Of course, like the thorough little researcher that I am, I have included the star ratings so you don’t have to go look them up yourself. You’re welcome.
*Really? WTF is wrong with you people?
*** Wife reads this crap.
**** hgfghhybbbfdsdjkibhyghbcdrrhn Dha xjen sj sd enc fn c kc kd ofnf kncks. Os jc djs jc dond fkcjdn co k
And my absolute favorite, a review posted just today by a women who knows what really matters in a book:
***Very good condition.
When I got tired of reading reviews, I looked for a good picture for this post and found the sign above. It makes no sense whatsoever and has nothing to do with “Fifty Shades of Grey,” but I it made me happy and that’s all that matters.
Anyway, having now reassured myself that I will not become an 18 to 24-year-old binge drinker with a stalker boyfriend, and that had I ordered the print version of the book it would have arrived in very good condition, I can begin reading with confidence.
After I have a bowl of soup.
Later my pretties.
[Image via fanpop]